Friendships as a neurodivergent

I often wonder what it’s like to have really good friendships with lots of people. You the ones where you all get together and celebrate each other's birthdays and profess your love for each other in public, support each other’s passions, projects, talents and general wins whatever they may be. The type of friendships where you’re chosen to be in someones wedding party, the type of friendship where their children call you Auntie, Uncle or some such title. Now don’t get me wrong I have a few truly lovely friendships and I am so grateful to have them. However even those have changed since I discovered my neurodivergance partially because i’ve been really digging deep and trying to figure myself out, partially because of the pandemic but honestly they still aren’t the type where I'm chosen first if that makes sense? It turns out this is quite normal for neurodivergent people it’s a theme that comes up a lot in the groups i’m in and books I read so I have started to find some solace in that and yet I still crave friends, a friends who think of me as family. I realize I can be difficult, I am very direct and literal in my thinking and I have to dig deep to find the grey areas in things. I’m always thinking a million thoughts, I get very excited about the things I love, i’m loud and overly talkative and that is off putting for many. I wish the world were different, I wish it celebrated those of us who are different. I do need to publicly recognize my one really AMAZING friend though who celebrates me just as I am and I love her for it. She knows who she is and knows how much I love and appreciate her. This isn’t about a single person though this is about well community I suppose. I wish I had a big community of like minded people who make up a family. Family is a hard one for me. Mine is scattered and to be honest fucked up for the most part. Probably because the majority are also neurodivergent and were never diagnosed so they never had the their needs met and that trickled down generation after generation. I have my parents and I work hard to heal my relationship with them as do they. I have my husband and our daughter and most days that’s good enough. Heres the thing though no one person can fulfill all our needs we literally need others to be whole. So I struggle and I cry more often than not. It is not lost on me that I will be 49 this year and i’m still looking for a community and starting to think I may never find one.

Now onto the not so deep stuff!

BIBLIOPHILE: I’ve been reading Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg and I highly recommend it especially of you’re a woman who is or suspects she’s neurodivergent.

REVERB: I've been listening to The Otolith ex members of Subrosa. Folium Limina is their debut album and its really beautiful.

PRAXIS: I am still struggling in this realm I want to get back to a daily spiritual practice but dammit i’m still lost and angry I suppose at all that I learned during the last few years. I wonder if there are any safe spiritual spaces?? I am going to a breathwork thing next weekend which if I'm being honest makes me super nervous but i’ve gotta start somewhere and at least try.

VISUAL: I’ve been seeking out and taking in a lot of art be it extremely older work and newer work involving eyes, serpents, hearts and hands.

P.S. I find myself obsessed with Parfums like really obsessed I am kind of picky and definitely have very specific scents I love and those I abhor. I cannot seem to get enough of them. I think they’re currently providing me with a lot of dopamine. My favorites are made by a niche all natural(as in only made with natural oils)company called Heretic. I highly recommend trying some. My favorites are anything with vanilla, tonka bean, Patchouli, or sandalwood. The only drawback I have with this company is that many of their scents are only made for a limited time so my all-time favorites no longer exist and that makes me crazy. So if you find one you lovebuy the big bottle or 2 or 3. Also they are entirely unisex which is awesome.

I know its been a while since i’ve written anything here life’s been well weird to say the least. Hopefully i’ll do this more who knows though, I guess we’ll have to wait and see what happens.

Till then much love and I hope you’re all happy, healthy and whole or at least working towards it.

Rachel