HOLY FUCK

Holy fuck perfectly sums up how I feel. The last few months have been a hell of a roller coaster ride and I think my poor body finally had enough. Where do I start? Maybe with my daughter. She is the sweetest, kindest and talented Aquarius I have ever had the pleasure of spending time with in this life however she also has massive anxiety like extreme out of no where PANIC that makes absolutely no sense at all. This has lead to extreme depression and an inability to function in the world and the last year it all came to a head. We have tried everything, natural medicines, herbs, energy work and several pharmaceuticals. You name it we tried it! Then just before Christmas I said to her psychiatrist what about ketamine? And from there we went straight into 3 weeks of ketamine therapy. I say we because while she was doing it I was there guiding her. It was super intense and so very fascinating. If you don’t know ketamine is used off label for depression, anxiety, trauma, PTSD and OCD. You have your choice of IV or IM and there are always daily nasal sprays or lozenges. Ketamine is proven to grow new neural pathways in the brain essentially repairing parts of the brain that were either damaged due to trauma or never allowed to develop due to genetics. It opens doors you may not have even known were there. It works like a psychedelic a very fast acting psychedelic unlike psylocybin it kicks in almost immediately peaks at around 15 min and then you come right down but the effects are amazing. She went to the clinic twice a week for 3 weeks had 2 injections each time with each injection increasing in dosage and on the last session 3 injections. The effects should last about 3 months at which point you go for a booster session. She is now 3 months out from her last session and we have seen the effects get better and better. Her depression is gone, her mood is wonderful, she is happy, positive and motivated in a way she hadn’t been for a long time. I can honestly say I have never met this version of her and it’s beautiful. I am super excited to see where this takes her over the next year as she continues to do this. If you have questions please reach out I am an open book and would love nothing more than to be of service.

Regarding my poor body it turns out I am in the throws of perimenopause and here’s the thing yes I’m middle aged and yes I knew this was coming at some point but what the fuck I didn’t know I was gonna feel like a stranger in my own body. I didn’t know I was going to look in the mirror and not recognize the person in front of me, weight gain in weird places, waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat and lacking any and all interest in sex. I saw my Dr. and I had blood tests only to be told everything was in normal ranges[this is actually pretty normal because no one knows what is normal for you]and I had 2 options take birth control and or an antidepressant. Now I am not opposed to either of these options in general and do know they both have benefits however they have not benefited me in the past and actually caused my body and mind quite a bit of harm so they are not an option for me and I suffered for the last year. I’ve tried all the natural supplements and some of them worked but never for more than a few months. I decided to do a deep dive and see what else I could do and in the end decided on HRT[hormone replacement therapy]and thank the gods I did cause so far so good! Night sweats gone, weight finally moving off my body and well my sex drive is back. I am no expert but I do encourage you ladies who may be experiencing something similar to find someone who is. We do not need or deserve to suffer just because we are over 40. Oh and gentlemen who may be reading this I think its super important for you too. You should know about these things not just for the ladies in your lives but also because you experience hormone imbalances and loss at middle age as well and you don’t need to suffer either.

So many other topics I have on my mind like the continual state of unrest in the world but I’ll save that for next time. Now on to the good stuff!

BIBLOPHILE: I started reading The Hero With A Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell but got side tract listening to the talks of Krishna Murti on audible. He’s like the anti guru guru and I am thoroughly enjoying my time listening to him.

REVERB: Oh man oh man that Emma Ruth Rundle and Thou album May Our Chambers Be Full is fucking fantastic. I just discovered the band Nadja and I may be in love I highly recommend you take a listen. I have also been listening to some stuff I haven’t listened to in a while a little BRMC and the 13th Floor Elevators.

PRAXIS: Ahhhhh this is a touchy subject for me right now, Kundalini has been my go to for several years now but recently a lot of stuff has come out that has me rethinking my practice and actually I have stopped for now. This will probably be something I bring up in a blog post in the future. For now I am looking for new ways of meditating.

VISUAL: Nothing specific just trying to enjoy whats around me. I have been spending quite a bit of time sourcing new stones for House Of Tenebris and I have found some beauties so keep your eyes peeled new work is coming soon and hopefully we will be back out into the world vending at shows soon.

Till next time

Much love,

Rachel